The Witching Hour

I don’t know exactly when it happens…but somewhere between 3:30 and 5:00pm my children go through a metamorphosis.

They look the same, other than a slightly wild look in their eyes.  But during this time their tiny molecules turn into miniature black holes, irresistibly drawing in any sibling that strays within 100 feet.  Once inside this gravitational well, it doesn’t matter how many times you separate them, they will snap back to together within a few moments – complete with an irresistible urge to interfere with homework, destroy artwork, and generally just not understand that the joke is sooo over.

At first I couldn’t understand what was happening.  I would call Joanne in the early afternoon and life would be clam and idyllic.  We would have a nice chat, some laughs, talk about what we were having for dinner etc.  A few hours later I would arrive home to discover screaming children, a house in disarray, the air thick with screams of “Stooooopp!” and “Daaan!“, and a dark thundercloud would be hovering menacingly over Joanne’s head. At this point I would try my best to restore some semblance of order – usually by shooing the kids as far away from Mom as possible – and then I would keep my head down until after dinner.

Sometimes dinner would satiate the kids and normality would be restored, at least until the next day.  But other times, the food just provided fuel, resulting in the kids being banished to the basement where the noise was at least bearable.

“What  happened to my happy wife and kids?” I used to wonder.  But, having now seen this phenomena first hand, I know what happened – the ‘Witching Hour.’  A dark time when evil spirits enter the bodies of children.

I have yet to find a cure.  We have tried talking to them, shouting, pleading, the sign of the cross and standing the children in pentagrams – nothing works!  Even the potent twin forces of the TV and the Wii aren’t enough to combat this force of nature.  I have often wondered what kind of laws we would be breaking were we to get a set of those dog collars with the little electrodes in them…Just saying….

Perhaps, as they grow older, they will learn to resist the demons.  I’m reliably informed they learn to control these urges just around the time the go to college. In the meantime, thank goodness for wine, custom molded ear plugs, and interior doors that close!



Filed under Children, Life - or something like it, The Human Condition

3 responses to “The Witching Hour

  1. Richard

    That’s why British schools had sports fields, so physical energy can be drained off harmlessly. Mens sana in corpore sano as the Romans said. Unfortunately the government sold off the land, and has only recently decided that sport is actually a Good Thing. Get out there, run around, climb trees, come back slightly bruised but relaxed and happy. And take the kids with you!

  2. Catching up on your posts. Your observations make me laugh! Loud at the pit hour? My ears are often numb with the noise. Throw in the two man sons, the two upper elementary girls, the often visitors of daughter and grand daughter all wanting to be heard. Sometimes the multiple conversations make my head spin. And I find myself getting even louder! Even when I seek solitude, ie, go hide, they follow me! Someday I’ll miss it and wonder that I actually thought when they were much younger that our home would be quiet someday!

    • Thanks! I do aim to provide some humor – even if it is as my expense. But why not – there’s so much material!

      I find the girls far louder and much more persistent than the boys. The boys can be loud, but the girls just never stop!

      But, I agree, I will miss it one day. Someone once gave me a great quote for kids – “The days are long, but the years are short”.

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